a word on puberty

when you're really little, your body is your total ally. it enables you to run and jump and climb and talk and taste and see and to enact myriad other great action verbs. you learn how to use your body to get the things that you want- another peanut butter sandwich, a new record in jump rope, a big hug. unfortunately, when you hit puberty, everything changes. your body decides it wants to hate you! hate everything about the you that is you that you've spent years figuring out!

your body mutinies. suddenly you start bleeding. uncontrollably! regularly! you spent thirteen years of your life trying really hard to keep all that blood on the inside, and suddenly your crazy stupid body is tryin a push it all out. you've worked really hard to run faster than all the neighborhood kids. you can beat anybody across the blacktop as a fifth-grader. and then what happens? tumors! they sprout on your chest! slowing you down, ruining your stride and your proud pace. and don't even let me get started on feeeeeelings.

in elementary school, i had it figured out. boys were scum. they smelled funny and didn't know the right way of doing anything. there were two that were tolerable, and they were in my gifted ed class. the others were useless except for chasing at recess or taunting (this included my brothers.) suddenly, as of thirteen, i was supposed to "like" boys?! my friends were developing crushes and i was supposed to like the stinky creatures too! it was too much to take for awhile-- my whole system was shocked... bleeding, mutinous, tumorous!

now that i'm lightyears in the future, i can say that i'm overwhelmed that this happens to everyone. i'm still nostalgic about the good old days before people expectations toed the gender line. and i'm still wigged out that my body turned against me with so much vigor.